Divorce

Its about Divorce

It is a sad fact that approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce. Many marriages can be saved if the right help is available and divorce is not always the only option. If you are unhappy in your marriage and are considering divorce, but don’t know what to do, consult ITS Counselling Service for help. Those who have considered and tried all the options and have decided that divorce is the only way out often need support and advice on various issues to help them through the adjustment.  Counselling can help you with this too. Everyone has the right to be safe and happy and every problem has a solution!

Understanding why your relationship failed is the first step towards recovery. Many people get locked into questioning: Whose fault it is? What did I do wrong? How could they do that to me? This is understandable, but a more constructive approach is to focus on the relationship, rather than individual responsibility. It can be more helpful to think about these kind of questions:

How were things when we first met?
What attracted us to each other?
What made our relationship good?
How have we changed?
What external factors have influenced our relationship?
What has stopped us overcoming our differences?

The answers to these questions are many, but a few of the main ones are:

•   Incompatibility;
•   Increased societal stress on the family;
•   Breakdown of the extended family, leaving the nuclear family without support;
•   Lack of conflict resolution and problem solving skills in the marriage;
•   Specific stress like financial problems, drug/alcohol abuse, emotional problems, in-laws, etc.

Although the answers may be upsetting, the greater the understanding, the easier it’ll be to let go and move on. During this time you’ll experience many emotions, including anger, sadness, guilt, despair and confusion; you can expect good days and bad days.

On top of the emotional turmoil that accompanies the end of a relationship, there’s a host of practical issues to address. These might include:

The children – providing support and time, access arrangements, childcare, telling the school, seeing in-laws, birthday and Christmas arrangements.

Money and property – who lives where, surviving on less income, managing the finances, who gets what in the home, pets.

Friends and family – telling parents/siblings/extended family members/friends, deciding how much to say and who should tell whom, maintaining friendships and relationships with in-laws.

Personal survival – which friends can support you practically and/or emotionally, how you’ll create space to grieve, whether you might benefit from counselling, building relaxation into your schedule, treats can you reward yourself with when times are tough.

This last section is often the most neglected. After a relationship breakdown, many people find themselves struggling with feelings of low self-esteem and self-confidence, and with so many things to organise it can be easy to forget to give yourself time for your own feelings. Be gentle with yourself and gratefully receive all the support you can get from friends and family.

ITS ‘forgiveness and letting go’ workshop is often used by people wanting to move on with their life following a relationship breakdown or divorce, but don’t know where or how to start?

ITS can provide counselling face to face, on the telephone or via the internet.

ITS can provide relaxation through a variety of complementary and massage therapies as well as through hypnosis and NLP.